Forgiveness (MSTed) by Morrigan
by Carl Price
Summary: I didn't write this. A friend did. She spoofs my story. Enjoy


Forgiveness Mystie'd   
by   
[Morrigan][1] (Morrigan71@aol.com) 

* * *

This is a work of fanfiction on fanfiction, I guess. What I have done is Mystie'd Carl's   
Story. The setup is that the characters from "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" are reading this story and offering an on-going   
commentary in their very own despairaging way. This in no way reflects my personal opinion of Carl's work. It is just for fun. 

> "Forgiveness"   
>By: Carl Price 

Mystery Science Theatre'd by: Morrigan   


>I believe there is a place where restless souls wander. 

Crow: *singing* I believe the children are the future... 

Crow & Tomservo: *singing* Teach them well and let them lead the waaaaaay. 

>Burdened by their greif, they cannot gain entrance into paradise. 

Mike: Now I didn't know this story was about Adam and Eve. 

Crow: Fig Leafs! Fig Leafs! 

>Some of these souls are grief-stricken over the loss of a loved one, 

Tomservo: And some of them are just grief stricken over the cancelation of Melrose   
Place. 

Crow: Yep. Sad thing. 

Mike: They should have never let Courtney Thorne Smith go to Ally McBeal.   
>others feel that their deaths were wrong, and untimely.   
>I also believe in the power of love. 

Tomservo: So did Huey Lewis and we see how much it helped his career. 

>I believe love is stronger than death, and if two people loved each other enough-   
nothing can keep them apart. Not even death's veil.   
>-"You better hope and pray that you make it safe   
>back to your own world"-   
>Shakespear's Sister "Stay" 

Crow: And now it's time to play "Remember this musical quote because at some point   
in the story it's meaning will become obviously clear." 

>"You were never good enough for my daughter..." 

Mike: Yeah, Adam. You're no good! 

Crow: Yeah! You promised you would keep her away from the fruit! 

>Darkness surrounded him. Cold and merciless, like the words her father said long ago.   
>The words that sent him over the edge of sanity. 

Tomservo: Whereas before he had just vacationed there.... 

>"You'll never amount to anything..."   
>He felt the anger and rage building up inside as more insults crashed into his mind.   
>"I love you so much..."   
>He moaned in agony as a voice sifted through his mind. He could see her in front of   
>him, her long blonde hair cascading down her shoulders, her soft blue eyes sparkling 

Crow: Her heaving bosom barely restrained in a Victoria's Secret push-up bra.....her firm   
buttocks hugged by her tight jeans...her 

Mike: Crow... 

Crow: ....supple white shoulder revealed just enough to tease... 

Mike: Crow! 

Crow: What? 

Mike: Cool it. Don't want to have to turn the hose on you again. 

>with an angelic light. She meant everything to him.   
>"I...." "...love..." "...you..." "I... love... you..." "I love you..."   
>"I-love-you-I-loveyou-Ilove-you-IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou...." 

Crow: I think she loves him. What do you guys think? 

Tomservo: I don't know..... 

>"HEEEAAAAATHERRRRRRR!!!" he screamed, his voice reaching an almost inhuman   
>pitch. He snapped his eyes open and looked at his surroundings. All around him, he   
>could see sorrow and hopelessness- painful and gray. 

Tomservo: It seems our hero isn't a big time 'accentuate the positive' kind of guy. 

Crow: Nope.   
>In the bare, gnarled trees covered in bleached white bark. In the congregations of people   
>that gathered and walked around almost aimlessly. He could feel the presence of Death   
>all around. 

Tomservo: *singing* If you're happy and you know it clap your hands *clap*clap*   


>"W-Where am I?" he asked in a choked voice.   
>"The Land of Nod," 

Crow: Wow. Is William Burroughs here too? 

>a soft voice said from behind him. He spun around and looked at the person that spoke.   
>A young woman, about 18, looked back. She had a strange, three-teardrop design   
>painted under her left eye. 

Mike: And she was wearing tights and a cape... 

Crow: That's right! It's Afterlife Girl!! 

>"What the hell are you talking about and who the hell are you?" he asks. 

Tomservo: Our hero seems obsessed with purgatory. 

Crow: Hmm...he must have been raised a Baptist. 

>She shrugged.   
>"You're in the realm where restless souls wander," she answered, "it's not quite heaven,   
>it's not quite hell. It's just.... here." 

Mike: Could we be a little more vague, Afterlife Girl? 

>She swept her arm in a wide circle. 

Crow: ...grabbed her tomahawk and began to dance in a large circle. 

>He looked around and saw that, even though he hadn't moved, his surroundings   
>changed. He and the girl now stood at the foot of a long bridge that stretched over a   
>deep canyon. 

All three: JUUUUUUMP!!!!   


>"You shouldn't worry about who I am Eric..." the girl whispered., "just worry about   
>yourself and your love for your girlfreind." 

Crow: Okay which girlfriend? Jeez, narrow it down a little bit for me, Afterlife Girl, I   
was a busy guy. 

>He looked at her in shock.   
>"How do you know my name?" he asked, pushing a lock of hair away from his face.   
>The girl shook her head and pointed across the bridge, "She's waiting for you.... see?"   


Tomservo: And She's PISSED!   


Mike: Yep. He must have left the seat up again...   


>He looked at the other side of the bridge and saw someone coming towards them. Eric   
>and the girl started to walk towards the person.   
>"Do you know who that is?" the girl asked. Eric nodded slowly then took off in a   
>heartpounding run.   
>"Stop!!" the girl screamed, "You can't touch her!! You're a ghost to her!"   
>Not listening to her words, he continued running to his beloved. When he was close   
>enough, Eric opened his arms to embrace her. As his arms began to close around her,   
>however, a strange sense of incoherence fell across him, and instead of wrapping   
>Heather up in a warm, loving embrace, he passed through her body and landed roughly   
>on the bridge. 

Crow: DUH..I meant to do that. 

>"I told you so," the strange girl commented, appearing beside him suddenly. Eric looked   
>up at her and shot a deadly glance.   
>"What happened to me?" he asked, tears welling up in his eyes. 

Tomservo: Aw..he's all sensitive and stuff. 

>"Aside from the fact that you're deader than a dorrnail," the girl remarked, "the way this   
>place works is this: If you died and accepted it, you go on to the nicer place. If you   
>hated the way that you died... you're stuck here until it all gets fixed. When that   
>happens, you could be here for a very long time."   
>Eric looked over the side of the bridge, "There's another way, isn't there? There's a way   
>that I can fix it, right?" 

Mike: I'm sure there is, otherwise we could all leave now and not wait around to see it   
all get fixed... 

>"I don't know," the girl sighed, "it's believed that if you jump off this bridge, you go   
>back to the Realm of the Living for a short time." 

All three: DON'T JUUUMP!! 

Crow: Define 'short time'. 

>Slowly, he grabbed ahold of the support ropes and climbed over, his feet finding just   
>enough purchase to keep him from fall. Eric looked over his shoulder at the girl and   
>winked. 

Crow: Oh sure. First you curse at me, now you wanna flirt. I know your game. 

>She smiled crookedly and nodded.   
>"Just one thing Eric," she said, "never forget why you went back..."   
>He stretched his arms out to his sides and fell forward, slowly flipping head over heels... 

All Three: AHHHHHHaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! 

>An ancient legend tells of crows carrying souls to the afterlife. 

Tomservo: Hey, Crow, you're in this story. 

Crow: I'm not carrying anybody anywhere unless I can charge a fare. 

>The legend tells of certain souls that have so much grief over their death they can't rest   
>in peace. When this happens, the crow sometimes brings the soul back to earth for an   
>attempt to allieviate the pain. 

Mike: That sounds like a lot of traveling. I wonder if there are 7-11's between the   
Afterlife and The Realm of the Living.... 

>-I am not here, I think I've never been here at all   
>or ever will. I feel like a place that none goes anymore-   
>Stabbing Westward "Why" 

Tomservo: Okay now shouldn't we clear up how the FIRST song quote fits into the story before we go on to another? 

>The darkness surrounded me once again. 

Crow: Always with the darkness this guy. 

>It frightened me. I was scared when I was in the Land of the Dead. But now, in this   
>confining, dull darkness, I think I was merely nervous.   
>~You know where you are big boy?~ 

Crow: Big boy? When did he go in the gay bar? 

>"No, I don't," I snap, "and I really don't want to play 20 Questions right now until I   
>accomplish one thing."   
>~What's that, slick?~ 

Mike: I wanna DANCE! 

>"I want the fuck out of here!" 

All three: GASP! 

>I start slamming my hands and kicking my feet in the darkness. I feel and hear the earth   
>around me groan in denial. 

Tomservo: Yeah..it's cause Earth thought she was finally rid of you and now here you   
are coming back. 

>I get an idea, 

Crow: Uh-oh.... 

Tomservo: Did anyone else hear a light bulb go on and then fizzle out? 

>a good one, hopefully. 

Mike: Yeah....no kidding! 

>~You die down there hotshot? Oh wait... you're already dead.~   
>"Joke it up jackoff," I hiss, "when I get outta here, I'm gonna rip you a new arsehole." 

Crow: And our hero goes on trying to impress us with his extensive vocabulary! 

>I draw my arms as close up to my chest as I can and inhale deeply through gritted teeth,   
>keeping most of the dirt out of my mouth.   
>"Look out," I whisper in warning. A moment later, my hands snap out and rip through   
>the dirt above me. I smile in joy as I watch the earthen lid above me snap in two as I   
>push the ground up and out. I start to shout with joy, ecstatic that I'm free. Right then, a   
>ton of dirt falls back into the hole. Square into my face. 

Crow: He's so suave. He's got all the moves. 

Tomservo: He's a bad motha- 

Crow and Mike: Shut Yo Mouth! 

>"Dammit."   
>I spit the dirt out, then stand up in the newly opened grave and look around. In the early   
>coming-of-dusk light, the world of crude wooden crosses seems beautiful and ugly all at   
>once. I climb out of the hole slowly, my arms and legs feeling numb. 

Tomservo: Uh...I'm pretty sure you're head's numb too, buddy. 

>I lay on the dew-soaked earth and stretch my arms out as rain pours on me from above.   
>Despite the icy rain falling on my face, I am still burning up and somehow freezing   
>cold. 

Mike: Full of contradictions, this guy. 

Crow: Ummhmm. 

>~Hey, hotshot, get up~   
>The voice that goaded me out of the coffin spoke to me again. I look around and could   
>only see a glossy black crow perched on a shrub that grew over my grave.   
>I must be out of my mind, 

Tomservo: And the light bulb comes back on.... 

>I think, I hear a voice, but I only see a crow. A damn big crow at that. 

All Three: DAAAAMN! 

>~Jesus Christ, 

Mike: See, I told you this story was about The Garden of Eden. 

>you had a 180 IQ when you were alive... now you're dumb as a brick. I must have been   
>hated in a former life.~ 

Crow: Now we don't want you to feel like it was just people from your former life who   
hated you..... 

>"Okay," I say, "whoever is talking to me... please show yourself. In case you haven't   
>noticed... I'm having a bad day."   
>The crow caws loudly, drawing me to it.   
>"Wait a minute here..." I breathe, "I talk, you caw, right? But, if I talk now, and ask you   
>a question, will you answer?" 

Crow: CAW! 

>~Maybe~ a voice coming from the crow replies. ~All depends on how you ask.~   
>"What happened to me?" 

Crow: CAW! 

>~It'll come to you later. First thing's first, we both need to get the hell outta here.~ 

Mike: Apparently the bird was also a marine.. 

>The crow flies off of the shrub 

Crow: CAW! 

>and glides to a fence 

Crow: CAW! 

>that runs through a large swamp oak. 

Crow: CAW! 

Mike: And badly misjudging his distance, slams smack into the oak. 

> I get up and, my legs still stiff and numb, slowly walk to the gates.   
>"Any place you wanna take me to?" I ask the crow, leaning on the fence to support   
>myself.   
>~I'm merely following you... at this point, anyway. You pick where we go.~   
>"I don't even know where we are." 

Tomservo: Surprise, surprise.. 

>~Sure you do... you used to live here.~   
>I look around at the graves and how they are arranged. It all seems so familiar to me. I   
>know where the crow and I am, but I can't place it.   
>Finally it hits me, "Palatka?" 

Mike: Is that on Venus? 

>~Yep, we're about two miles from your old apartment.~   
>I jump over the fence and start lumbering down the sidewalk, hoping no one will see me   
and ask where I just came from.   
>It seems like it takes an eternity for me to get one mile down the road to a K-Mart. 

Crow: Just wait until you pick the cart with the bad wheel. 

>I walk up to the door just as a pimple-covered stockboy is pulling a train of carts inside.   
>"Store's closing in fifteen minutes, sir," Pimply said in a weird falsetto voice. 

Tomservo: OXECUTE 'EM! 

>"I know..." I continue walking, "I won't be long." The boy gets a look at my face and   
>goes deathly pale.   
>"Man.... go right ahead," he stammered, "do whatever you need to."   
>I walk past him wordlessly and wander through the store, heedless of the stares I'm   
>receiving from people leaving the store. 

Crow: Now I don't believe anyone at K-Mart would have the right to look at anyone else   
strangely. 

>Why is everyone staring at me? 

Tomservo: Because there's a cracked lightbulb above your head and you keep tripping   
over your own feet! 

Mike: Now in all fairness, he hasn't tripped over anything for at least several paragraphs. 

Crow: Yeah. He's doing much better than those Night of Living Dead People. 

Tomservos: Braaaains. Must have braaaains! 

>They can't tell that I'm dead, can they? 

Crow: Uh, the fact that you're walking around and talking might have something to do   
with it, Einstein! 

>~It's the simple fact they are watching a person with a crow on his shoulder walking   
>through their store. Go to the bathroom hoss, you'll see it then~   
>I head towards the restroom of K-Mart and push on the door. The lock holding the door   
>keeps it from moving. I stare at it, hoping that by my constant gaze, some magical force   
>will unlock it.   
>~Pull the lock off the door~ 

Crow: Now here's another thing that is totally unrealistic. There are never locks in the   
doors of stalls in a public restroom. 

Mike: Especially not at K-Mart. The shoppers steal them to use on their trailers. 

>Slowly, I reach up and take the lock in my trembling hand. I pull it gently and the   
>bracket rips halfway out of the door.   
>"I did that?" I ask in amazement.   
>~You sure did buddy. Now, pull it the rest of the way off and walk into the damn   
>bathroom~ 

Tomservo: Boy, everything is damned in this story. Damned bathroom, damned lock,   
damned bird. 

>I rip the lock the rest of the way off and push the door open. That moment, someone   
>announces that the store is officially closed and all the lights cut out. I can still see   
>almost perfectly and walk over to a stall.   
>~You don't need to take a whizz boy, you ain't drank anything in almost a year~   
>"I ain't dead... but I'm not alive," I whisper softly, "You gottin be jacking my anchor,   
>right?" 

Crow: And if things aren't damned, they're jacking or have been jacked..... 

>~No. You're worm food, and your girlfreind is dead too.~ 

Mike: Could someone please tell me which one?! 

>"Heather? No... that can't be right... I'm standing right here! I'm alive goddammit...   
>alive..."   
>~You look in the mirror lately Eric? Come on, turn around. I dare ya~   
>I spin around and look at the bird, perched on a sink. It caws loudly and my gaze goes   
>up to the mirror. I walk closer and see that my forehead and cheeks are covered with   
>bizzare scars. Two jagged cuts run over my eyes, from my scalpline to the just below   
>my nose. Four more smaller scars run from the ends of my eyes down to my   
>cheekbones. 

Tomservo: So somebody played connect the dots on your face with a pocketknife.... bign hairy deal.   


Crow: I know! What a wimp. 

>~Not a pretty sight, huh bub?~   
>I touch the scars lightly. They're cut deep into my skin and haven't healed fully. The   
>skin on the edges feels almost like dried leather.   
~You know how this happened? Or do I have to give you some pointers?~   
>I don't answer. My head is swimming 

Mike: ...in the dreaded damned jacking depression of the darkness... 

>in the confusion of this. I feel sick. Real sick. 

Crow: Hey, you're the one who wanted to go in the men's restroom at a K-Mart, smarty. 

>I barely manage to stumble to the stall >before I heave up whatever was last in my   
>stomach.   
>~Pointers then~   
>"What are you talking about?" I groan. 

Tomservo: Damned jacking bird. 

>~The part of the job I hate. Buckle ya seatbelt son, it's gonna be a bumpy ride~ 

Mike: And the bird does his best Bette Davis. 

Crow: You know he wasn't half bad. I could really see him in "All ABout Eve". He has   
a certian je ne sais quoi. 

Tomservo: He should send in some head shots. 

>A thousand images run through my mind. Images of Heather: 

Crow: Hey! He liked Melrose Place too! I wonder if he liked it better with Courtney   
Thorne-Smith or without... 

>(my girlfriend kissing me, holding me, laughing with me, laughing at me.) 

Mike: Nagging at me to take out the trash, clean up after myself, and stop whining about how I'm depressed.... 

> (The first time we made love.)(Heather coming up to me with a look of joy on her face)   
("Eric... I'm pregnant") 

Crow: Me asking her who's it was and groaning in despair at the thought that I had been allowed to procreate. 

>(taking her in my arms and holding her close) ("We should get married... I don't want   
>our child to grow up like I did, not knowing who the father is") 

Mike: So why don't you call up one of your ex-boyfriends and see if they would like to   
be the little tyke's Daddy. I'm outta here! 

>(Telling her father and having to stand silently as he shouted insults and obsceneties at   
>me) 

Crow: You damned jacking no good ruffian!! 

>Images of running into Arthur Parrot, someone some time later that owed me money:   
>("Arthur, when are you going to pay me back?") ("Man what the hell are you talking   
>about? I ain't took nothin' from you, you fuckin cocksucker") 

Tomservo: Hey look at that! Just when we thought we had this story figured out he   
throws in some new curse words to confuse and delight us. 

Crow: YEAH! 

> ("Three weeks Arthur, that's all. No more than three weeks from today") ("What'll you   
>do if I don't pay you back? Go cryin to your fuckin cunt of a girlfriend?") (Doing my   
>best to hold back my rage when he insulted Heather behind her back) ("No, Arthur. You   
>don't get me my money in three weeks, I'm gonna pistol whip you then set your dick on   
>fire") 

Tomservo: (pause) Well that sounds like fuuun! I'll call you! We'll do lunch! 

>Images of what happened three weeks later:   
>(Heather hanging on my arm as we walk home from a movie. We pass through the   
swamp graveyard that hasn't been used in over 50 years) 

Mike: Is anyone else feeling trapped in parenthesis? 

Crow: *singing* I wanna hold you in parenthesis. 

Tomservo: This is obviously the writer's way of giving his readers a great big HUG! 

Mike: Aw..he shouldn't have, the big softy. 

>(Arthur and a group of people walking up to us, hands behind their backs) ("You have   
>my money?") 

Tomservo: No, but I have some pez... 

>("No, I got sumthing better though") (Arthur's cousin, David, pulling a gun out and   
>shooting Heather in the stomach) (Her look of despair as she clutches at the hole in her   
>belly as Arthur shoots her in the chest) ("Eric... the baby... I lost it... I'm sorry")   
>(Attacking Arthur and David in a blind fury, not even feeling someone ram a knife into   
>my back) (Falling to the ground and rolling over just as a hispanic girl sits on my chest   
>and places a knife on my cheek) ("He saw the world as it truely was.... I can use his   
>eyes") 

Mike: Oh no not another eye stealer... 

Tomservo: Yeah...we had that crap in the movie. 

>(Not seeing anything, but still able to hear) ("He's still alive Arthur, what do we do?") 

Crow: DANCE! 

>("This is a graveyard, right?") 

Tomservo: either that, or it's a city with really small buildings that are all white... 

>("We bury them both, then let the critters handle the rest") ("You still got that heroin?...   
>Put it in him.... all of it") 

Mike: Ah, I guess he really did go to the Land of Nod... 

>The images end suddenly and I am still looking at myself. My eyes are rimmed with   
>tears. As the first one spills down my face, it runs thru the main scar, leaving a dark   
>grey trail.   
>~Ashes. You and your love were sacrificed, so now you show the marks of one   
>sacrificed   
>"What am I?" 

Mike: We think you're a Baptist, but we're not sure... 

>~There's no real term for it, but someone was kind enough to generalize us all as   
>Corvine~   
>"And that means?" 

Crow: You're a not very popular...car? 

>~'Of the Crow'. I feel flattered come to think of it~   
>"That weird chick in the Land of Nod said I should never forget why I came back," I   
>said, shaking my head to clear it up, "what happens if I do?"   
>~Lets hope you never find out~ 

Tomservo: I hereby arrest you on the charge of foreshadowing in the first degree! 

>MONDAY 8:45PM 

Tomservo: Do you know where your children are? 

>Gary Allen sat in his livingroom, whiskey bottle in one hand, remote in the other, 

Mike: Hey look! It's George Wendt! 

>watching old home movies he made of his daughter. 

Crow: Isn't it oh so precious? Look! This is the one we were going to send in to "When Animals Attack". 

Tomservo: She's so adorable with those wild boars. 

>He cried to himself as he watched these videos, because he knew that his baby girl   
>would never be in another one of those films. All because of that bastard she was   
>dating. He got her pregnant. He took her away from her father. He murdered her and   
>their unborn granddaughter while he was on heroin. He was lucky he killed himself,   
>because if he showed his face around Gary, there would be hell to pay. 

Crow: Gary Allen in "Big Bad Daddy II"! Coming soon to a theatre near you... 

>"Oh yes," Gary said, pulling another hit from the whiskey, "that mangy little drugfuck   
>would have had hell to pay for killin Heather." 

Mike: Hmm..I think I better write that one down... 

>I made my way out of the bathroom as silently as I could. Not that I needed to, the store   
>was empty as a school on the last day of June. The crow remained faithfully on my   
>shoulders 

Crow: CAW! 

>as I journeyed through Kmart for what I needed. 

Tomservo: Oh, man! We're still stuck in the K-Mart? 

>I first stop at the men's clothes and pick out a large black jacket and black vinyl pants. 

Mike: Now, I know for a fact they don't have vinyl pants at K-Mart! 

Crow: How do you know, Mike? 

Tomservo: Yeah...have you been there? 

Mike: (pause) No, I mean I've just heard things... 

Crow: Uh-huh.. 

>I go to the shoes and grab a pair of Wolverine construction boots.   
>"Attention Kmart shoppers," I hear a voice say. I nearly jump out of my dead skin until I   
>realize it's a recording, "In our men's department are the newest fashions from Garrison   
>Kelly. Also, in our sporting goods, we are running blue light specials on all our   
>Winchester and Remington ammunition."   
>~You thinkin what I'm thinkin'?~   
>I smile and nod, then sing, "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to steal we go." 

Mike: Hey, he almost sounded chipper there. 

Crow: Yeah, maybe he stopped off at the pharmacy.. 

(Snippety snap) 

>~Why didn't you paint yourself up, hoss?~   
>"I didn't want to," I answer. "I want the people that killed me to see me coming." 

All Three: EWWWWW 

(Snippety snap- Our hero finally leaves K-Mart.) 

>I look down at the bird, and smile as it hops on my shoulder.   
>~Wanna do another one?~   
>"I need to rest," I whisper, "know a good place?" 

Mike: There's a Days Inn just up the road..... 

>~Follow me~   
>The bird hops off my shoulder and flies across the fence. I leap over and follow the bird   
>through the apartment complex I used to live at until we reach my old apartment.   
>Yellow police tape is strung across the door and windows and a condemned sign is   
>posted on the door. ] 

Crow: All good signs that you should not go in. 

>I push the door open and step inside. 

Crow: But then we never said our hero was the sharpest knife in the drawer. 

>I move to my old bedroom and look around. All my posters are still on the wall. 

Tomservo: Ah! Cheryl Teagues! KISS! Oh how I've missed you! *sniffle* 

>All my belongings are where I last left them.   
>The bed is what draws me. The place where two lives became entwined and a third life   
>was created. I see Heather and myself rolling around beneath the covers and 

Mike: But wait...that's not me she's with....it's 

Crow: My brother! GRRR! 

>feel my throat knot up. Hot tears well up in my eyes and pour down my face. I fall onto   
>the bed and begin to sob uncontrollably. 

Tomservo: Ah, man, he's crying again. 

Mike: Kind of a sissy-boy isn't he? 

>"I killed them," I sob, my voice choked with emotion, "they both died because of me. If   
>I didn'a bother Arthur for the money, he wouldn't have ambushed us and he wouldn't   
>have... have..." My words melt into unintelligent sobs of pain.   
>I feel a soft hand settle on my shoulder and rest there.   
>"Eric, it wasn't your fault," I hear Heather's voice say. "it was our time to go." 

Crow: Yeah...there was a sale at the mall here. 

>"How can you say that?" I cry into the mattress, "you had a life inside of you. How can   
>you say it was your time when your... OUR baby wasn't even born yet."   
>"Eric," Heather says to me, "do you even know if our baby would have been born?" I   
>shake my head. 

Tomservo: With these two for parents, I would have ran too. 

>"Maybe our baby's angel knew she wouldn't be born," Heather whispered into my ear,   
>"and she wanted us to be together. Do you understand that?"   
>I nod. "I understand, but I can't leave until I'm done. I have to make sure they know the   
>pain I went through. I hope you can forgive me..."   
>I feel Heather's lips on my neck for an instant. "I forgive you."   
>Instantly, peace washes over me and I drowse off to sleep... 

Mike: Ahhh....he looks just like a little angel when he's sleeping doesn't he? 

>-Father Lucifer, you never looked so sane, how's the Lizzies?   
>How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?   
>Tori Amos "Father Lucifer" 

Crow: Oh no, don't drag Tori into this! For the love of all that's holy and decent,   
NOOOO! 

>"People, the devil walks amongst us!"   
>"Amen!"   
>"The Great Deceiver is behind us at every moment of our lives! He watches us! He   
>follows us!"   
>"Hallelujah, Brother Russel!" 

Crow: See, I knew the Baptists would fit into this somehow! 

>"But we have something that can halt the Great Deceiver, that old Devil, and send him   
>from us in a hurry!"   
>"Praise Jeeeeeeesus!"   
>"That's right, brothers and sisters. We have the one thing- the ONLY thing- that can   
>send the Devil packing!" 

Mike: A free two day pass to Six Flags? 

>"What is it, Brother? Tell us about His love!"   
>"We have the Love of Jesus Christ!"   
>The congregation stood up and cheered as 28 year old Reverend Alan Russel held his   
>arms high.   
>"I was walkin down the street one day my people," Rev. Russel preached in a hearty full   
>voice, "and I was passed by some young people that were dressed in all manner of   
>Devil-inspired clothing," 

Tomservo: Damn that Doctor Marten! Damn him all to hell!] 

>his voice dropped down a few octaves.   
>"They saw me walkin past and they put on their meanest faces, faces they used to scare   
>children and old folks. 

Crow: Uh. nooo....I think that was how they always look. 

>And they were spoutin' all manners of filth and obscenities from their mouths. 

Mike: It's a good thing the Reverand here hasn't met the bird in this story. 

>And then, my brothers and sisters, these children saw that I had the POWER OF THE   
>ALMIGHTY behind me! Can I get an 'amen'?"   
>A section of the crowd acknowledged him. 

Crow: While the rest of the crowd fights to stay awake and thinks about what they'll be   
having for lunch. 

(Snippety snap-more talk of children the devil..etc.)   


>"If this wasn't so important, I wouldn't be here Arthur."   
>"Don't call me that!" Alan snapped. "It's Alan now... Alan Russel... Reverend Alan   
>Russel." 

Mike: Uh-oh...somebody's never learned that honesty is the best policy. 

>"Well, Reverend," the other man said, spitting the last word out liek venom. "Somebody   
>just iced your cousin David. An 'ice' isn't the best word to use, 'flambe' is more   
>appropriate."   
>"SHIT!" Alan screamed, 

Crow: He's spoutin filth and obscenities! 

(Snippety snap) 

>I wake up almost 15 hours later from a horrible nightmare starring myself and a   
>skeleton dressed up like John Wayne. 

Mike: Alright, I definitely think he stopped off at the pharmacy. 

Crow: Yeah...those Tylenol PM's really pack a helluva punch. 

>I look around and see the crow sitting on what once was my dresser. It's perched on the   
>mirror and looking at me, it's tiny head cocked at an angle. 

Tomservo: Don't do it, Crow... 

Crow: CAW! 

>~Finally decided to get up, I see~ 

Tomservo: No. Just though I'd roll over. I think I'll just lay here a few more hours and   
watch 'The Price is Right'. 

(snippety snap-they leave to go find the other killers) 

>-Drawn down to face this hell,   
>The voodoo I created, the voodoo I know well   
>Angels of Dissidents "What I know" 

Mike: Oh look, a song lyric. We don't see those often enough in this story! 

>"Dark Father, we bring to you this sacrifice of blood and flesh," I heard Carla Audette's   
>voice ring out clearly, "All in return, we ask for what you will give us! POWER TO   
>RAISE THE DEAD!" 

Crow: Oh, is that all? 

>A bolt of lightning rips thru the air as Carla raises the knife above the sacrifice, an   
>attractive, young high school girl with half a cc of heroin injected in her. 

Tomservo: She never should have joined the "It's Okay to Wait Club". 

Crow: Nope. Bet she's regretting it now. 

>Carla begins to make bizzare signs in the air and chant in almost nonsensical words. 

Mike: And then everyone realizes she's just having a flashback to her first Ozzy Osborne concert. 

>A second bolt of lightning breaks apart the sky and at that moment, Carla slams the   
>knife into the girl's heart. 

Crow: But it doesn't kill her because she's wearing the new I Can't Believe It's Not   
Armor bustier by Victoria's Secret! 

Tomservo: Crow, you have this thing for Victoria's Secret that is really starting to scare   
me. 

Mike: Me too. No more catalogs for you. 

>"Jesus Christ," I moan, "how can this shit go on?"   
>~Easily, no one knows~   
>"Well I do... and if they wanna see the dead raise, I'll give it to them..." 

Crow: Get angry! Get angry! 

Tomservo: Preach the word, brother! 

>I wait until Carla and her brothers turn around and sneak over to the corpse of the girl. I   
>lay beneath the wooden altar and leave one eye open. I'm treated to Carla laying a big   
>french-kiss on one of her brothers. 

Mike: Wow. Are you sure this isn't "Flowers in the Attic"? 

Crow: Where's the evil grandmother?   


>~You were right about Palatka. Bunch of incestuous bastards~ 

Crow: So I guess we're in Kentucky then, not on Venus? 

>I watch another of her three brothers bring a torch over to the altar and set it on fire. I   
>lay beneath the altar and hold it up as the flames destroy everything but me. I finally let   
>the altar fall on and around me and let the fire burn for a good minute or two.   
>"Carla! Carla! Look!" one of her brothers shouts, "somethin in the fire!" Her eyes light   
>up with orgasmic joy as she looks where her brother is pointing. 

Crow: Hmm...doesn't take much to get this girl going. A little incestuous kissing... 

Tomservo: a dead guy in the fire...not too complex of a gal. 

Crow: I WANT her! 

>At me. Time for the big >entrance.   
>I throw my arms out and climb to my feet amidst the fire. I hold my arms down at my   
>side, palms facing Carla and her brothers, but I keep my eyes pointed downward, so she   
>doesn't recognize me.   
>"Whatchoo 

Mike: Bless You! 

>gonna ask him Carla?"   
>"Yeah, what's the question?"   
>Carla walks up to the edge of the fire and kneels, the knife outstretched in her hands.   
>"Great Embodiment of our Dark Father," 

Crow: *heavy breathing* The force is strong with you! 

>"Death," I answer softly. "I only see death for you, and your brothers. I see the Avenging   
>Spirit coming for you. Because of what happened a year ago."   
>Carla looks up at me in horror. 

Tomservo: Oh damn! No winning lottery ticket? 

>~Gonna kill em?~   
>I step out of the fire, still holding my arms out. I look down at Carla and smile.   
>"Have you seen the world for what it truely was, Carla?" I ask, looking at her sadly.   
>"Carla, what's this fucker talkin about?" one of her brothers asks. 

Crow: Why does it not surprise me that JohnBoy here doesn't understand what's going   
on. 

Tomservo: *Humming theme from 'The Waltons.'* 

>"JUSTICE!" I holler, snatching the knife from Carla's hands and brandishing it over her.   
>~Do it boy~   
>As I bring the knife down on Carla's head, her brother pulls out a knife of his own and   
>flings it at me. I watch the knife as it sticks into my chest and then I look at it. 

Crow: Oh, damnit! Do you have any idea how much I paid for this shirt at K-Mart?! 

>Slowly, I drop the knife from my hands and grab the one in my chest.   
>"I bet you think that hurt me, huh?" I whisper, 

Mike: I'm gonna guess it didn't. 

>dragging the knife out of my body slowly. I feel my muscles and flesh reattaching inside   
>me as the knife leaves. I toss it in my hand a few times and then hammer it into the first   
>brother's forehead. 

Crow: Bullseye! 

>"And I bet that hurt you."   
>Carla and the two remaining brothers watch the first one fall to the ground. I look at all   
>three of them and raise my face up, revealing the scars that marked me on my return.   
>"C'mon!" I holler as loud as I can, "who's next?!?" 

Tomservo: Man, it really is 'The Waltons'. I've never heard the word holler except on   
that show and in this story. Hmmm... 

Mike: Food for thought. 

>The second of the men tries to yank a handgun out of his pants. I'm on top of him in   
>three steps, his throat in both my hands.   
>"Guess you shouldn't have worn underwear, huh bubba?" 

All Three: EWWW! 

Crow: No! Can we please NOT talk about the redneck's underpants. For the love of   
God! 

(Snippety snap, killing other brothers, fighting off Carla) 

>Carla places the knife at her throat and presses, "You can't go back if I kill myself." 

Mike: Now how would she know that? 

Tomservo: Maybe a certain little birdy who says damn a lot told her. 

>"That's where you're wrong Carla," I whisper. "You do that, you're guaranteed pain and   
>suffering for eternity. 

Mike: That's right. You'll be trapped in an afterlife where Martha Stewart reigns   
supreme! 

>My way, you have a fifty fifty chance at paradise."   
>Carla lowers the knife from her throat, tears running down her face, "I tried to be good.   
>Honest I did." 

Crow: Honest! I didn't mean to kill a lot of people with various weapons and abduct   
cheerleaders for ritual sacrifice. Really I didn't! 

>She walks up to me and rests her head on my chest.   
>"I want to atone for what I did," she whispers, "will you forgive me?" 

Mike: Lemme think about it....uhhh....NO! 

>~ERIC! THE KNIFE!~   
>I feel the knife slip into my body without resistance and Carla give the handle a good   
>upwards push. I stagger away and pull the knife out of my stomach quickly. As the   
>gutwound heals, I squeeze two shots out of the gun.   
>The crow and I watch Carla fall backwards, two smoking holes where her eyes once   
>were. 

Tomservo: Well, they say the eyes are the windows to the soul. 

Crow: Yep. And now all Carla has are two great big holes.   
*They look at each other and shrug* 

>~That was a bit too close Eric~   
>"Why do you say that?"   
>~People believe that the crow is the soul's power source... You kill the crow and you   
>can kill the person again~   
>"Yeah... so? You weren't anywhere near harm."   
>~I know, but what you don't understand is that Heather is your power source. If you ever   
>have a change of heart about why you came back, you become mortal until you refocus   
>on your mission~ 

Crow: And this is the part of the story we call "We're Making Up the Rules as We Go   
Along". 

>"So I can't think of anything else except Heather and our baby, right?"   
>~Exactamundo~   
>"No problem with that," I comment, "they're all I thought about when I was alive." 

Tomservo: When he was alive? What's he talking about? 

Crow: Yeah all we've heard about since the prologue was the chick and that kid. 

>I get up and start walking away from the carnage I created. 

Crow: Clean up this mess!!!!! 

Tomservo: Aw , Moooooom. I wanna play Atari. 

>A sense of peace momentarily washes over me as I hop the fence and 

Mike: .....bust open my chin on one of the chain links. 

>start walking down the street, the crow once again perched on my shoulder. 

Crow: CAW 

Mike: Oh not this again. 

>As I'm walking, the peaceful feeling grows within me more and more until I can't help   
>but stop and look around at where I am.   
>~How sweet. A bunch of people with candles all standing together to light someone on   
>fire~   
>I look at the bird and shake my head, "They ain't gonna set anyone on fire, smartass. It's   
>a candlelight vigil. Churches do it to honor people that died. Sometimes."   
>~Then why is there a man standing on a platform with his arms held out?~ 

Crow: He's doing a reenactment of the crucifixion for Unsolved Mysteries! 

>"He's a preacher. You never went to church, did you?"   
>~Nope. I tended to stay away from organized religion. Gave me chillbumps~ 

Mike: Smart bird. 

Crow: CAW! 

>I start walking to the crowd of people holding the vigil. As I get closer, I can hear the   
>preacher shouting out his sermon. I stand near the back, so nobody will notice me.   
>~I wonder who the service is for?~ 

Mike: Oh, me too. If I thought this story were in any way predictable I would say it's for   
your dead girlfriend. 

Crow: As we know it isn't, though, we will no doubt be surprised by the outcome of   
things. 

>"Me too," I whisper, "maybe he'll say."   
>"It's for a young lady that died a year ago," an elderly woman in front of me whispers.   
>"It was very sad... her boyfriend thought she cheated on him and he just killed her."   
>"You catch any names?" I ask. She shakes her head slowly. I turn my attention to the   
>preacher giving the service.   
>"... And my brethren, let us not remember the sorrowful times in this young woman's   
>life," he said loudly, "let it not be recalled that she made a terrible mistake in the man   
>she was with. 

Tomservo: He seems a bit biased for a peacher. 

>Let us remember the good times she had. The joy in her life. The joy she brought others   
>by her selfless acts..." 

Crow: Like the stripping she did for all of the town perverts at the Full Moon Lounge. 

>~Must've been some woman~   
>I nod slowly. My attention, however, isn't on the preacher's sermon, it is drawn solely to   
>the preacher himself. He seems vaguely familiar to me, but I can't place it. 

Tomservo: Gee, I wonder if he knows this guy from earlier in the story.. 

>"Let us have a minute of silence for the young woman that touched all our lives. Let us   
>reflect on Heather Allen's life and how she lived it." 

Mike: We'll all miss Palatka's little 'eskimo'. 

>I stand silently as hundred of people bow their heads and close their eyes. I join them,   
>and when my eyes close, all I can see is Heather standing in front of me, her hair   
>flowing around her head like a halo. 

Tomservo: But wait, that was just her in one of her stripper costumes. 

>The minute passes by too fast for me, and the preacher starts speaking again.   
>"I had the blessing to meet Heather during her time on Earth, and she seemed no less to   
>me an angel, and there are hundreds of good things I could say about her. But, 

Crow: Like most servants of the Lord I would like to focus on the bad. 

>would any of you like to say words about her? You sir, in the back. With the bird. Can   
>ya come up here please?" 

Tomservo: Oh yes, it's always the town freak they invite onstage first at these things.. 

>The crowd parts for me to make my way up to the preacher. As I do, the feeling of   
>peace starts to dissipate and a new feeling, rage, replaces it.   
>I stand on the platform beside the preacher and look him in the eyes.   
>~He's scared Eric~   
>I know, I silently respond, it's because of my face. 

Mike: Which, incidentally, has been scaring me through the whole story. 

Tomservo: Sheesh, no kidding. Even before he put on the makeup. 

>~No... there's another reason. I can't place it though. You'll have to~   
>"Would you like to say your name, brother?" he asks.   
>"Eric."   
>("What'll you do if I don't pay you back? Go cryin to your fuckin cunt of a girlfriend?") 

Crow; Oh YEAH! Just what this story needes! More flashbacks. 

Tomservo: Or, in this case, a flashback OF a flashback. 

>I look at him strangely, my head cocked like the bird's.   
>"Would you like to talk about how Heather touched your 

Mike: Watch it...Watch IT! 

>life?"   
>I nod.   
>"Heather Allen... was in fact, an angel. She was the most beautiful woman that I had   
>ever met. 

Crow: Except for the checkout girl at Lucky's. 

Tomservo: Oh....and the bank teller at First National.. 

Mike: Don't forget the waitress at Denny's... 

>I loved her secretly, and openly. She brought joy to my life that I had never experienced. 

Crow: Except alone, in my room with the JC Penney's catalog. 

Tomservo: Crow, I am serious about my concern for you and this catalog fetish. 

> She touched my heart, my soul, my mind. 

Crow: My...DOH! Ouch....I was gonna say pec! 

>She became my reason for existing. Until she was taken away."   
>(Arthur's cousin, David, pulling a gun out and shooting Heather in the stomach) 

Tomservo: Ah, look. It's another one of those charming stage directions in parentheses. 

>"I tried to help her in her moment of need... but I couldn't."   
>(Attacking Arthur and David in a blind fury) 

All Three: SIIIIIIIIIIGH 

>"I lost the things that I valued most when some inhuman MONSTERS came after me   
>for money."   
>I know him, I tell the crow in my thoughts.   
>~Then reveal him~ 

Mike: No, please! There are ladies present! 

>I turned on the preacher.   
>"YOU WERE THERE!" I hollered. 

Crow: Oh! More hollerin'! 

>"YOU KILLED HER!"   
>He looks at me in shock as a gasp rushes through the crowd.   
>"Arthur Russel Parrot," 

Tomservo: Rather unfortunate name. 

Mike: Yep. 

Crow: Do we really need another reference to a bird in here? 

> I growl, 

Tomservo: This guy does more growling than a German Shepherd. 

>"you have been charged with three counts of murder in the first degree... how do you   
>plead?"   
>"I-I don't know what you're talking about, friend," the preacher stammers, "my name is   
>Reverend Alan Russel." 

Crow: Dooooon't play coy with me, buddy boy." 

>"You can change your name, Arthur," I whisper, "but you can't change the past." I hold   
>my hand out to him.   
>"If you don't believe me... take my hand." 

Tomservo: *singing* I wanna hold your haaand. I wanna hold your hand. 

>He grabs ahold of my hand and I pull him close to me. 

Crow: *swaying and singing* And when I touch you I feel happy insiiiide.. 

>I wrap my free hand over his face and watch with him as his act of violence is replayed   
>for us alone.   
>When the memories fade, I push him away and pop my neck loose. 

Crow: Momma had a baby and it's head popped off. 

Tomservo: And at last, the stranger's terrible secret is revelaed! He's a Ken doll! 

>"GET HELP!" someone shouts from the crowd. "HE'S GOING TO KILL THE   
>REVEREND!" The audience scatters like sand in the wind. 

Mike: Original analogy. 

>Only one person is still there.   
>"How do you plead Arthur? Guilty? Or not guilty?"   
>He pulls a .38 pistol from beneath his shirt and points it at me.   
>"NOT! FUCKING! GUILTY!" he screams, 

Crow: Okay, thinking he didn't understand the 'try not to look conspicuous speech' his   
lawyer must have given him. 

Tomservo: Betcha Johnny Cochran will be able to get him off. 

>emphasising each word with a bullet. I watch the holes close up and look at him.   
>"Bad move," I say, striking at him like a viper. In one motion, I knock the gun from his   
>hand and wrap my arm around his neck. 

Crow & Tomservo: *singing* It's such a feeling that, my love, I CAN'T HIDE! I CAN'T   
HIDE! I CAN'T HIIIIIIDE! 

>Slowly, I walk to the edge of the platform and stand there, my feet barely finding grip.   
>"You are found guilty in the murders of Eric Price, Heather Allen, and their unborn   
>child," I decree, "the penalty is death by broken neck. 

Crow: Who died and made him Boss? 

Tomservo: I believe he did. 

Crow: Oh. Yeah. 

>Sentence to be carried out immediately. Any last words?"   
>A few choked gasps come from Arthur's mouth.   
>"Watch that first step to hell, Arthur... It's a long fall." 

Mike: Oooohhh....threatening! 

>I walk off the platform, my arm still around his neck. 

Crow: I think in a strange and totally disgusting way, he kind of likes the guy. 

Tomservo: Yeah. He's always touching him in some way. 

>He falls forward and my weight snaps his neck immediately. I give him a few extra   
>jerks just to make sure.   
>"I did it... I don't fucking believe I did it..."   
>~Good job son. Good job~   
>I let go of Arthur and his head falls forward bonelessly. 

Crow: When did they take the bones out? Man this sucks! I want Carla back. Carla was sexy. 

Tomservo: But she was evil! 

Crow: I don't care. 

Mike: She was evil and totally one dimensional. 

Crow: DO NOT talk bad about Carla! 

>I look at the one person still standing at the platform. I recognise him as Heather's   
>father. 

Mike: Also known as George Wendt, also known as Norm from Cheers. 

>~Come on son... Time to go~   
>"I have to do something first," I whisper to myself and the crow. I walk closer to   
>Heather's father and look at him.   
>"I know you never liked me, Mr. Allen,"I whisper, "and I know that I can't change that. I   
>just want you to know that losing someone you love is the hardest thing to deal with, I   
>know that personally. And I want to tell you I loved Heather more than anything in the   
>world. And that I want you to forgive me."   
>"Forgive you?" Gary says, on the verge of tears, "what for?" 

Crow: Oh no...more sniveling! 

>"For not being able to save your daughter's life..."   
>I drop to my knees and stay there, looking up at Gary. A tear rolls out of each of his   
>eyes.   
>"I forgive you, Eric. Now, get up, you have somewhere to go." 

Mike: Oh yeah! Back to K-Mart to see if I can exchange this shirt! YIPPEE! 

>~He's right. The Big Light don't wait forever~ 

Crow: Whoa. Philisophical. 

Tomservo: He puts Keanu Reeves to shame. 

Mike: *bad english accent* "Why do they fill these boxes with earth...." 

>I get up and walk away from him. As I do, a bright light opens up in the night sky and   
>stretches to the ground. Inside the light, I can see someone waving for me.   
>"ERIC!" she shouts. "C'MON!" 

Crow: I'm done trying on and now I'm ready to pay for my ten thousand new outfits! 

>I smile and head towards Heather as the crow flies beside me. Halfway through the   
>light, the bird is engulfed in an even brighter light. When the light fades, a tall young   
>man is standing beside me. He is dressed in a tight black shirt and leather pants. And his   
>blonde streaked hair falls to the right. 

Mike: Starring Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Blackbird. 

>There are remnants of a slash scar on his throat.   
>"Like I said Eric," he whispers, "the light don't wait forever." 

All Three: *sniffs* 

Crow: Oh gee, is that all?! 

(They get up to leave) 

Tomservo: I think there's a sequel. 

Mike: We should have Pearl send it to us. 

Crow and Tomservo: NO NNNNNO. 

Crow: That's okay...really Mike. 

THE END (Thank God) 

* * *

[][2]

   [1]: mailto:Morrigan71@aol.com
   [2]: /or/crowffa/fanfic.html



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